Hayleigh+Opinion+Writing

 media type="custom" key="4443127" __Should sports players be considered as role models__ Sports people are mostly famous people, but they are not always famous for the right reason, that is why I believe that sports people should not be considered as role models. Some sports stars, believe it or not, have done acts against the law, without even thinking that they may be a role model for someone, setting the wrong example. Kids may look up to these people, may follow their example, even if it is an awful one. A good role model, in my opinion, is someone who plays fairly and follows the law properly. A bad role model, I believe, is someone who takes drugs to enhance their skill or breaks the law because they think it is okay because they are sports stars. First, I would like to draw your attention to the fact that many sporty kids have sport role models. If these role models break the law then the child may think it okay to do the same. Well it is not okay! These kids and possibly adults look up to them and may follow their example. If they did an act against the law they would not only be letting themselves down, but also their fans, the people who look up to them and respect them. Next, I would like to point out that if you have a sports star as a role model that they may set a dreadful example by taking steroids. This may persuade the people who look up to them to take drugs. The sports stars that take steroids or other skill enhancing drugs may have fans that follow their example; therefore their fans may start thinking it is okay to take drugs such as these. As an example of this kind of unacceptable behaviour, take Commonwealth games swimming medallist Trent Bray, who is a New Zealand swimmer who tested positive for steroids. This is unacceptable and sets a terrible example for swimming fans.  

On the other hand, sports role models may encourage the chid to play sports or more sports. They would send a good message to the people who look up to them. Having a sports role model could make their fans want to start playing the sport their role model plays, if they already don’t. Also, they may encourage their fans to eat healthy to become fit. The fans of a sports player may want to someday follow their role models example and become a sports player themselves. This may make them try harder at their sport and eat healthily to become good enough to play for a team.

In conclusion, I think that sports players should not be role models due to the fact that they may take drugs and encourage their fans to do the same. Also that if they break the law the people who look up to them will think it okay to do the same. I believe that they may also lose their fans respect and disappoint the people who look up to them. That is why I believe that sports players should not be role models.

__Reflection:__ I think I could have done better on this argument because it is not very persuasive. I think I could have given more examples to help argue my point of view. Also, I think I could have included more of my opinion on this subject.

Argument criteria A good effort. You have given some valid points in support of your opinion but could have improved this more by giving more examples of poor sports role models. Your arguments against the topic are quite weak and needed more thought to give a more balanced point of view.  ||
 * **Introduction** || I do not have an opening statement, OR: The problem is missing from the introduction. My opening does not get the audience's attention.  || I have an opening statement that states the problem. My opening may get the audience's attention.  || I have a strong opening statement that clearly states the problem. My opening grabs the audience's attention and causes an emotional response.  ||
 * **Voice/Passion** || Passion is missing from my argument. My writing does not hold the audience's attention. There is no evidence of enthusiasm.  || The passion of my argument gets the audience's attention at times. My enthusiasm is evident at times.  || The passion of my argument draws the audience in and keeps their attention. My enthusiasm is evident throughout the piece.  ||
 * **Supporting Argument(s)** || The reasons in support of my argument are not convincing, don't support it or are irrelevant.  || I give reasons in support of the argument but I don't give evidence or examples.  || <span style="background: silver; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-highlight: silver;">I give clear and accurate reasons, and evidence in support of the argument <span style="background: silver; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-highlight: silver;"> ||
 * **Opposing Argument(s)** || I do not mention or address opposing arguments, OR: I mention opposing arguments, but do not dispute them. The audience is left with many questions. <span style="font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> || <span style="background: silver; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-highlight: silver;">I mention opposing arguments and attempt to dispute them, although the audience may be left with a few questions. <span style="font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> || I have identified opposing arguments and shown their weakness. Most of my audience's questions have been answered. <span style="font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> ||
 * **Reasons and Evidence** || I give reasons, but do not support them with evidence (facts, examples, explanations, and anecdotes). Some of my reasons are unconvincing. <span style="font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> || <span style="background: silver; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-highlight: silver;">I give reasons for my opinion and support some of them with evidence (relevant facts, examples, explanations, and/or anecdotes). My reasoning is logical enough to persuade some of the audience. <span style="font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> || I give convincing reasons for my opinion and effectively support them with evidence (significant facts, examples, explanations, and anecdotes). My reasons are so logical that my audience will be persuaded. <span style="font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> ||
 * **Conclusion** || There is no conclusion, OR: In my concluding paragraph, I did not attempt to move the audience to action or change their minds. The conclusion does not pull the pieces of my argument together. My final sentence has no impact on the audience. <span style="font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> || <span style="background: silver; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-highlight: silver;">In my concluding paragraph, I have attempted to move the audience to action or change their minds; some are convinced. The conclusion pulls some pieces of my argument together. My final sentence may affect the audience and leaves some thinking. <span style="font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> || I have a strong concluding paragraph that either moves the audience to action or changes their minds; most are convinced. The conclusion pulls all the pieces of my argument together. My powerful final sentence impacts the audience and leaves them thinking. <span style="font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> ||
 * **Word Choice & Sentences** || I have made no / little attempt to use transition words to introduce each point. Sentences need reworking to make complete sense to the reader. <span style="font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> || <span style="background: silver; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-highlight: silver;">I have attempted to use some transition words. Some variety in sentence beginnings and length has been used. <span style="font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> || I have used a variety of effective transition words and phrases. Sentences vary in length and varied sentence beginnings have been used. <span style="font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> ||
 * **Mechanics** || Frequent mistakes interfere with the message of this piece of writing. <span style="font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> || There are more than a couple of minor errors. <span style="font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> || <span style="background: silver; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-highlight: silver;">Mainly error free work. <span style="font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> ||
 * Teacher Comment:

<span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 13pt;"> Smacking, should we allow this within our communities? Is smacking a good way of disciplining children? This will is wrong and violent parents may see this as an opportunity to hit their children with no charges! Smacking is harmful and physical pain will not stop any child being naughty. If smacking was against the law not many parents would do it, because if they were to be prosecuted they may not be able to afford it, so they may stop. I believe that smacking should be against the law because it is a violent way of punishing children.
 * __Smacking__**

Also, this form of punishment may jeopardise relationships between child and parents and also the child may be frightened of their parents. Young children may not be able to relate this type of punishment to their supposed crime. It is wrong that parents can deliberately inflict pain upon their child. Smacking can also lower self-esteem and confidence. Smacking will encourage the use of violence to solve arguments with siblings or classmates at school.

Furthermore, kinder ways of disciplining a child is no TV or no mobile phones for a week. These methods are affective and non violent. Children look to their parents as role models; if their parents are abusive and aggressive then the child will think this the way to treat people. A child that has grown up in a violent home thinks aggressive behaviour is the right way to deal with problems as well. So they grow up thinking abuse and aggressiveness is fine and right.

Next, Smacking is a type of abuse, so why should it be legal? It’s just like giving people permission to be aggressive. Smacking can lead to other forms of abuse, some worse than hitting. If a child is abused it sometimes means that the parent was also by their parents.

In conclusion, I believe that smacking should be against the law and that parents should not smack their children! It is wrong and sends the child the wrong impression of what treating people with kindness is. I think that it is bad to inflict pain upon any child just because they have been naughty. I don’t feel that helpless children have to be punished this way and it is unfair that they are.

**__ 1080 poison __** (Draft)

<span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">In New Zealand we spray about four tones of one of the world’s most deadly poisons over vast areas of our natural environment, to try to reduce the impacts of possums and rats. The use of 1080 has been questioned because of widespread concerns about the toll it is taking on wildlife and the environment. The poison kills not only pests, but also other wildlife. It is a cruel method to kill animals even if they are pests, and could contaminate the ground and rivers. I believe that the poison 1080 should not be used in New Zealand and that it is doing more harm than good.

Whether laid on the ground, or dropped from the sky in large remote areas, the 1080 is eaten by the unfortunate animals that it appeals to. This harmful poison is in little green pellets even a little of the poison can do a lot of harm. If enough is eaten, the poison disrupts the process of breaking down food to provide energy for cells to function. This process is very pain for the animal. Once the animal has run out of energy, it dies from heart or respiratory failure.

In New Zealand 1080 is used in forests, which harms the environment. 1080 is extremely toxic to many animals, and dogs are particularly sensitive to it. How would you feel if your dog died? Especially from something that could be prevented. It could be prevented if New Zealand stopped buying it, then no animals would be harmed. There is different ways of killing pests which are less cruel and would not hurt other animals.

**In conclusion I believe that 1080 poison is doing no good to the environment and innocent animals are getting killed by it not just the intended possums and rats. This poison ruins our environment and kills animals that could be saved if New Zealand stopped buying the poison. I believe there are kinder ways of killing pests. Horses, cattle, dogs and other innocent animals have been killed by this merciless poison, but for what? That is why I feel that 1080 is wrong and that it should stop being used.**
 * Although it is true that this form of poisoning may kill rats and possums it also kills many other species such as birds. Why kill so many innocent animals through direct or secondary poisoning? Does any animal deserve such a cruel, painful and slow death? This poison has no antidote so if a human happened to accidentally eat it or eat an animal that has 1080 in its system then they would die and no one would be able to save them or do anything about it.  **